I consider that through out my life, the Lord has always been my protector and invisible hero.
Sandra's Testimony
My name is Sandra and I live in the Point area, Durban. I consider that through out my life, the Lord has always been my protector and invisible hero, even though I did not realize it until I went for help for the 2nd time on the 13th of July 2006. During my counseling sessions, my counselor asked me to write down all the things I had done wrong in my life. I had written about 7½ pages, when God reminded me of yet even more things. It is just amazing how things add up. But God is good and when he cleanses you, He does a proper job. He reminds us of things that we have forgotten in different ways. It was whilst writing this list was that I realized the Lord Jesus Christ had been walking with me for the past 26 years.
"I had a pretty good childhood. From the time I was 3 months old I was raised by my grandparents and was extremely spoiled. I would sleep on my grandpa's chest. I loved him very much, even more than I loved my own father at that time. By the time I reached standard 2, I was living with my parents again, but my grandfather would visit every week to spend a few days. By the age of 9 I was being molested. I did not understand what was happening to me. I complained to my mother , who did nothing. Then to my grandfather who confronted Jack,*who of course denied everything. My mother was a working woman and had endless problems with my father who was an alcoholic, a womanizer and would often physically abuse my mother." It was not a happy time.
Soon after, my grandfather asked my mom if I could return to live with them in Chatsworth and she agreed. When school started in 1972 I was living with my grandparents and happy. But my grandfather died on the 16th of October 1972 and a part of me died with him. I was the one who found him dead in his bed on a Monday morning at about 6:30. I became a very withdrawn and stubborn person. I kept to myself for over a month, refusing to attend school and unable to communicate. I usually have a friendly spirit and can associate with different types of people. As time passed I hid my sorrow in laughter, smiles, and jokes.
My next scare came at the age of 16. I went to the movies once a week and whilst I was there I met a young girl named Julie* who was my age. We met up a few times and became firm friends. On one occasion, after the movie, she asked me to accompany her to her working place in the Point Harbour. I had never been there before. When we reached our destination I was shocked and confused at the surroundings. I met a few women who shopped at the boutique where I worked and they told me to find a way to get out of the area because it was not a place for any innocent child, but I did not listen.
Julie* at that time was with a man, drinking beer and smoking cigarettes. She later left with him to do business, of a nature which I never understood then. I was left in a taxi waiting for her to return. Whilst I was in the taxi waiting, a few male gang members came to stare and say horrible things to me. So the driver took me away from the car, saying that he was taking me to Julie*, but it turned out to be a lie. He took me to a room and when I realized what was happening, I started crying. I told him that I was a virgin but he didn't care. He laughed at me and told me that there were the other guys waiting for me to be gang raped. I prayed silently in my heart. After he had raped me he allowed no one near me. He thought that I was his prize. A few months later I ran away from home and became a con girl. I was young, pretty, and built for the wandering eye, I attracted many men. It was then I started my life of drugs, prostitution and robbery.
One day a man caught me after I had robbed him and threatened me with a gun and a knife. Scared, I could do nothing but follow him. He took me to an area that is now developed into office buildings, but at that time was just a sugar cane field. I lied that it was the first time I had robbed a person. He raped me then gave me back the money I had taken saying, "Take care of yourself pretty girl". After this incident I was worse than before and started swearing. After six months or so I started smoking dagga from pipes with guys who were friends. I then began smoking cigarettes and drinking and then more sins followed. When I could not steal or fake my tears, I had to grit my teeth and end up sleeping with the men to get the drugs. I hated men and wanted to punish them for the things that had happened to me. Little did I realize then that the hurt was getting worse and that I was ignoring real life. I did try to live right from time to time. But when I was going to church and living a clean life at home, some guy would come along, change the set up of my living situation and I would end up back on the street.
At the age of 17, my first pregnancy miscarried after 5 months. It hurt so much. Thinking and hoping that drugs would numb my brain forever, I again turned to stealing and prostitution to support my ever growing habit. From here my story continues in a destructive downward spiral so common to the ladies of the night. How can you sum up over 20years of hurt, 20years of looking for help in the wrong places, 20years of abusive relationships, and 20 years of living from one hit to the next, 20years of betrayal from those closest to me? In my life there are few actual events I remember; There was the day my daughter Karmen was born and the day 1 smoked R10,000 ($1,700) of rock-cocaine and mandrax with a friend in 4 days. There was the day my mother died and the day I was sent to jail for 6 months. Then there was the day that Petra Luna walked into my life and my life changed for the better.
I met Petra from Life Place, at the corner of Pickering and Mazzeppa Street on the 14th of February 2006. I was honestly really tired as I hadn't slept for the past 4 days. I was looking to see if I could pick up a customer, instead sister Petra picked me out of the darkness. Petra introduced herself to me told me she was from America and that she was working at the coffee shop. She also told me that she loved me and wanted to help me. She said God loved me and had a purpose for me. We went to the coffee shop and she switched on the water to make coffee. She saw that I was falling asleep, so asked me if I wanted to rest. I felt peace in this place. I would never sleep in any place besides my parent's home or my husbands flat. But when she opened a sleeping bag I went to sleep immediately like a baby. Petra woke me 10 minutes before devotion. I spent the whole day with Petra and that night I stayed in the coffee shop because I did not want to go back on the street. The very next day preparations were made for me to go and begin my rehabilitation.
I spent the next 3½ weeks at a mission station receiving extensive psychological and spiritual guidance, but it was not enough for me to completely forget and leave behind my life of drugs and prostitution. Once I was back in Durban, I was again on the street corners selling my body. But God did not forget me. Unbeknown to me Petra was praying and fasting for 21 days on my behalf. As she was praying on the last day, I knocked on the glass door dressed in my husband's shorts and t-shirt asking for clothes. Petra insisted on praying with me and during the prayer I fell down on the ground and surrendered my life to Christ. After spending another month at the mission, I returned to Durban and immediately began volunteering at the DFL Life Place centre, trying to help others who are in the same situation I was. I now receive a small salary for my work.
In my past I have been a drug addict. I’ve smoked cigarettes, dagga (cannabis), ashes, mandrax, crack, and tried sniffing cocaine. I even popped vespray, roche, and ecstasy. Anything you name it, I would have tried it. My regret is that I never understood that God loved me. I never understood that He suffered abuse, was tortured, humiliated and then died a sinful death, all for my sake. There were times I was fed up with my life and the mess I'd made of it. My mind used to have battles of its own. At these lonely times I felt as if someone was following me or walking behind me. I now understand that God was beside me. He never left me. I am blessed now to have a relationship with my heavenly Father and to be so loved. He has washed me white as snow and given me the blessed chance of going to eternity in heaven. I have stopped smoking cigarettes, taking drugs, prostituting myself and stealing. My heart fully belongs to God. I am his servant and he has big plans for me. I know He's got a purpose for my life and I will not let anything drive me into the hands of the devil again.
I've hurt so many people in my life. I was unable to talk to my mother before it was too late. To tell her that I was sorry for the pain, worry and sleepless nights I put her through. I hurt my one and only child so badly. She won't even hug me or even speak to me much; I have myself to blame. She is now in college and working part time on the weekends and holidays to pay for her studies. While I was taking drugs and prostituting myself, I missed so much of her growing up. My most important prayer now is to make my relationship with God solid. A Solid rock, not sinking ground. I would also like to share this new found relationship with my daughter so we can stand together before the throne of grace when the time comes.
My life has completely changed around, and although it is not always an easy road, I persevere and find my strength in God. I am surrounded by caring and Christian friends. I am continuously growing spiritually. I have been instrumental in leading others to Christ through my testimony."
This testimony has been written by Sandra herself, the details of which are obviously specific to her life. But unfortunately there is nothing unique about this self-perpetuating cycle of broken homes, sexual abuse, rape, depression, drugs, financial constraints, abusive relationships, and prostitution. If a loving and Christian support network had been present to help Sandra properly cope with the initial trauma of trauma of sexual molestation as a young child, her life story would read much differently. Many times all a girl needs is just one friend to reach out and hold their hand and offer the simple gift of a listening ear and empathetic heart. Someone that can give them a shoulder to cry on while directing them to the One that will never fail them, judge them, or turn a blind eye against them. Sandra found hope in Jesus through the DFL Life Place Centre. Please support this ministry so that we can help many more men, women and children like Sandra.
*Please note that the names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.
http://www.doctorsforlifeinternational.com/programs/lifeplace/theirstories/sandras_testimony.cfm
